Invisible caffeination

As time goes by, the body gets sorer and despite getting more than enough sleep I still do not want to leave my bed at 4am (and don’t get me started on the 2:30am call for the 4:30 led class on Saturday and Sunday). Therefore coffee, which started as an indulgence on this trip, has now become a necessity.

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My mind has been playing games with me lately, complaining loudly about my feeling invisible in the shala. “Worry not”, my friends say, “Sharath sees it all”. And the petulant child in me then asks that if that’s the case, why is he choosing to ignore me?

Of course, this is all related to my own fears and to the fact that when we are here, we are stripped out of our self-identification accessories: at home I’m a computer programmer, I am married, I have a dog. If for some reason I’m feeling unseen during practice, I have the rest of my day to be seen.

I could get all Freudian about why so many of us here (please allow me to hide in group anonymity regarding something I’m not proud of) feel the need to…matter.

But that understanding, though useful (know thyself), might not be as important as the realization that nope, Sharath doesn’t ignore anyone, he is doing a really good job in extremely challenging circumstances and we all need to chill the F out and do the work. Show up, practice, and in my case sort out my Dwi Pada entry to Supta Kurmasana. And beyond the asana, check how I’m doing and try my best to become a nicer person…even though trying to do more advanced asana seems like much more fun!

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